I for one, don't have a tattoo and I'm sure I never will. It's just not for me. I'm sure you've noticed the increase in the number of people sporting tattoos. When I was growing up the only tattoos I can recall were anchors on the arms of sailors like Popeye.

Now what if I really, really had no choice but to get a tattoo. What would I get? I gave it some thought and I do have a class reunion this summer. Perhaps a tattoo of a Rolex? A chance to impress my old classmates. Maybe a newspaper. It might come in handy. I get tired of reading toothpaste tube ingredients; having a newspaper tattooed on my arm would give me something different to read, for a least a little while. My wife won't allow books on the toilet tank.

I suspect a lot of people have tattoos in places you can't even see. I really don't understand why but perhaps I'm lacking imagination. If I would choose that route, maybe something practical like my social security number. They say you shouldn't have your card in your wallet in case of theft. If I got the tattoo in a real special place, the only person who'd ever see it will probably be the mortician, and by the time he sees it it'll be too late to do him any good.

I've got it! Passwords. I've got passwords for work email, home email, work website, benefit sites and on and on. However, we are ordered to not write our passwords down or store them on our computer. So what do you do? How about getting them tattooed in a place where no one could see them. That would solve the problem. It would be a small price to pay if I had to just lift up my shirt briefly whenever I wanted to access my email or maybe roll up my pant leg if I need to see if that check cleared or not. Perhaps my co-workers would just chalk it up to a nervous habit?

I have a few other questions about tattoos. When do you know for sure that you can go ahead and put a tattoo of your girlfriend's name on your arm? You better be sure it's gonna last. If I got a tattoo of a grape on my tummy, would I have a tattoo of a raisin in 30 years? Does anyone offer hair tattoos? I mean something for a receding hairline.

What kind of tattoo would you get if you really had no choice but to agree to get one?