Loren’s Powerball Primer

Why not? Everyone else is talking about the big Powerball drawing. The people at CNN said you could buy all the possible numbers for the $1.4 billion jackpot for around $584 million. Most of us would need some help in raising that kind of money. And even if you could raise that amount, you should have started buying your numbers in 2007.

Let's just suppose you do win the big one. I think most of the fun is playing make believe before the drawing as I suspect once a person wins that overwhelming amount of money, the fun will probably be short-lived.

First on the prep list is to pick out a neighbor you've been on the outs with. After all, the traffic and mail to your home is going to be mind-boggling. So as soon as you find out you've won, sneak over and swap house numbers with that no-good neighbor you want to get even with. Let him deal with all the traffic. Oh yes,don't forget to take your phone off the hook after you've learned that you won.

You'll probably have to move, so if you're a guy have a few boxes or suitcases ready. You'll need them for packing your clothes. This wouldn't apply to women as they'll buy all new but you know us fellows, we just can't throw out our old clothes. It's a Linus thing I suspect.

Once you get your first payment you're supposed to have fun. I think I'd go out and buy an old beat-up car. Then I'd make sure I don't shave for a few days and put on a dorky old hat and coat. Kind of like the one I'm wearing in the picture. Then I'd head out to a cafe and order a meal. I'd make sure to cough and wipe my nose on my sleeve a few times. After eating I'd walk to the register and slowly count out the money for the bill. Perhaps I'd reach in one pocket and pull out a dollar and than maybe another dollar and then exact change from a different pocket and then shuffle out the door to my beat up junker. Then sneak back and peer in the window and observe the waitress' face as she finds a few grand lying on the table I just left. I bet she wouldn't stop talking about what that grubby old man did.

Next stop would be the new car lot. I'd shuffle around the most expensive cars on the lot and see how long before a salesman would come out and approach the scruffy old codger. I'd grumble about the high prices and then ask how much I'd get if I traded in that old junk car I drove in. I'd cap it off by asking if I could get a price break if I bought eight or more new cars. Would the salesman believe me?

OK, I've been pulling your leg. But daydreaming is part of the fun of Powerball. Good luck!