Loren Went Christmas Shopping

I took yesterday off and figured it might as well be my day of reckoning. It's time to buy my wife a Christmas present. It's kind of like Charley Brown playing baseball. He knows he's gonna strike out but he's gotta hit and then pay the price. The only gift that went over big was when I surprised her with a second wedding ceremony years ago. Even that came with a price, as all the men on my road stopped talking to me or, if they did speak, it was along the lines of "Thanks a lot Loren, guess what Joanne wants me to do?" "Nice job Loren, thanks for putting a crazy into Julene's head."

My daughter gave me an idea as to what my wife might want. A clerk directs me to it. The sign says 70 percent off. Oh boy. Yet even with the price reduced by 70 percent it just seems awfully high. On the next shelf I find something that does the same thing but it's smaller and costs about half of the other product. I think it'll work. We open our presents together so when she reaches for mine I can simply start explaining that I wanted to get something that wasn't so heavy or bulky and easier to move around. I'm sure not going to tell her it was half the price of what she really wanted.

The clerk informs me I can save 20 percent if I open up one of their charge cards. I've never had one and don't intend to start. I wander around a bit more. Maybe I'm feeling guilty but I find something else my wife might like and it's on sale too. Four phone calls to my daughter later, I decide to buy that item as well.

Once again the clerk asks if I want to save 20 percent with a charge card. I give up and say why not? All she had to do was scan my driver's license. I thought it would involve a bunch of paperwork. She then gives me some coupons for signing up. All in all when we're done getting rung up, I not only get a cheaper price on my first item, the second one turns out free! I saved quite a bit. As Shania Twain sang, "Man, I Felt Like a Woman." I wonder if that's where she got the idea for that song. A shopping experience where she saved a lot.

Either way with two gifts, I've doubled my chances of getting at least one present she'll like. I have six months to recuperate before her birthday.