Almost Rehab Time
Next up on the list is rehab. If I want to get those papers signed that say I can go back to work and drive, I have to play ball. I can just hear someone ask my wife "Do you have any pets?" "Why yes, two dogs outside, four cats upstairs with me and a husband I keep in the basement". I need those papers signed so I can get out of my temporary home in the basement!!!. I like it down there where I can function on my own rehab schedule, but I'm sure I'm gonna start getting sick of it.
One thing I noticed while waiting at the clinic... "Say Fred, just come on up here" "Martha, step over here and we'll get you signed in"... Being on a first name basis with your health care providing team is good, but are you thinking like I am? Like, I assume some folks may not like being called on a first name basis at the liquor store. How did he know my name? I don't come in here that often or do I? My favorite though was Delores... Delores, the doctor will see you now. Oh my, I'm never gonna get any recipes out of this magazine.. She puts it down and walks towards the doctor's office. Bless you Delores, who knows how many times she's been to the doctor or how sick she is, but Delores is worried that she'll never get a chance to cut out or tear out some tasty recipes from this magazine in the waiting room.
It sounds like the rehab therapy is going to be pretty informal. Check in and do some work on some machines like rowers, bikes and such. It shouldn't be too bad. I was a little worried about exercising in public.. it's sort of like the first time you're spotted talking one on one to a girl. Chances are folks aren't watching and talking, but you just can't be sure. I gues you start out slow and work your way up. I haven't really done anything fast for a while. I remember at Ann Pleskenko's good bye party I spotted one last empty chair in the room and made a dash for it. That may have been the last time I actually ran? I got my third nurse to ooh over me. "ooh, that looks pretty good Loren" and this goes along with the nurse that said something like. "that is impressive" . Three flattering remarks from nurses about my body. So what if they're talking about my quick healing Frankstein slash down the front of my chest.. I'll take it... I was chosen as a participant in a new type of treatment for heart patients which appears to be really hurrying up the healing of the scars from sugery.
Next we went grocery shopping..It was Jennifer Nettles who sang you can't ever go back...Wrong! Wrong!. You sure can go back! Loren, put that back on the shelf. What? No, no, you're not eating Sugar Boo Boos anymore. What? and that goes for these Sodium Serpants.. no more. Mama! Daddy! Don't you love me anymore? Can't I have just one box? I'm a big boy. I can buy my own groceries... Look, I have a credit card!! Loren, stop your whining, the doctor says no more of this stuff. Be a big boy and try to act your age or better yet, maybe a little younger than your actual age for my sake..
I'll say no more about grocery shopping. My head has dropped, my eyes are shut and so is my mouth, I'll say no more, sort of like when you find a big skeleton in your family tree.
Hopefully I can think of something better to write about next week..